For more than a decade, I’ve facilitated a free weekly English conversation group.

The primary purpose of the group is to give non-native English speakers live opportunities to practice conversation. But just as important, it gives participants opportunities to interact with people from different cultures and backgrounds whom they might never otherwise have had the opportunity to meet.

So Denver English Conversation Group (aka Lone Tree English Conversation Group

People often ask why I still do it.

My answer is simple: Because every week I learn something—and I enjoy the process of learning about new people, places, and issues.

That happens because we have conversations—not debates.

What’s the difference?

Think of a conversation as an open door.

We can stand on one side and learn about the view from the other. And it works both ways: we have an opportunity to share what we see, what we know, and what we’ve experienced with someone who may never have encountered our perspective either.

We may decide to walk through the door. We may decide to stay exactly where we are.

Either is fine.

A debate has a different purpose. In a debate, we’re trying to convince someone to come over to our side.

That changes the way we listen.

In a conversation, we’re looking for connection. We can be curious. Why do you see it that way? What have you experienced that I haven’t? What do you know that I don’t? What might I know that you don’t?

And the person across from us gets to ask the same questions.

In a debate, it’s very easy to spend the time while someone else is talking preparing a response. We listen for the weakness in an argument instead of listening to understand what is actually being said.

There is an important difference between understanding someone and agreeing with them.

We can understand another person’s perspective and still disagree with their conclusion.

That is perfectly fine.

That’s what makes it possible for our group to talk easily and comfortably about those supposedly “forbidden” topics—religion, politics, and other controversial issues. We don’t have to agree. We can ask questions. We can listen. We can try to understand why someone sees something differently.

And something interesting often happens. As we learn about our differences, we also begin to notice our similarities.

Sometimes we learn something that changes our thinking. Sometimes we don’t.

Either way, we had a conversation.

Along the way, we probably gained something. Maybe we learned something new. Maybe we met someone interesting. Maybe we learned a little more about someone we already knew. And just possibly, we made a connection.

A conversation is an opportunity to learn, share, and connect.

Nobody has to win.